Almost Love
by TransFanFreak101
Summary: It felt as if there had been a hole punched into the middle of my heart. I had never loved anybody like I had loved him. Like I love him actually; because no matter the hurt, no matter the crippling agony that he had put me through, I still love him and I always will. Mikaela's thoughts on Sam and their breakup.


…**I have nothing to say about this. I almost feel bad about writing this. Almost. This is after the big breakup between Sam and Mikaela, except that I made it so that Sam broke up with Mikaela, because in the third movie Sam makes a comment that makes it sound as if Mikaela broke up with him. Soooooo yeah…Enjoy!**

**By the way, a good story to read: **_**Titanium**_** by "XXSunstreaker'sXXLoveXX"**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything! If I did, Mikaela would have been in the third movie, not the fake blonde blowfish lips girlfriend that Sam had instead. No offense to the people who liked her, I just didn't like her. At all.**

It felt as if there had been a hole punched into the middle of my heart. I had never loved anybody like I had loved him. Like I _love_ him actually; because no matter the hurt, no matter the crippling agony that he had put me through, I still love him and I always will.

I had never understood what love meant, not until he had decided that we were too different, in both our goals in life and our daily lifestyles to keep being a couple. I had given him everything. I gave him my love, my virginity, my life, and he just threw it all away right in front of me with no regard as to what I might feel.

What he had said that day still rang and echoed in my heart and head.

_We aren't compatible._

_We can still be friends, but nothing more than that._

_We aren't the same at all; we don't want the same thing in life._

_I'm sorry, but…I just don't love you. Not anymore at least._

When my Mom died, I was told by one of her friends that: "It never hurts any less. It just hurts less often. There will be times when the pain will blindside you, hitting you with an agony that makes you wonder how a person can feel such pain and still live. Eventually, you'll discover you're still breathing. You'll remember your obligation to continue living, and you'll carry on with the rest of your day. One day you'll rediscover the ability to smile. Don't feel guilty you do."

That is how I feel now. When my Mom had died, I hadn't really felt as bad as I do now because I had been a little younger; I didn't really understand the concept of death. But what that friend of my Mom had said had always stuck with me through all of these years until I finally understood what she meant.

I will always hurt, because I will always feel something for Sam, but over the years I will not feel the hurt quite as much as I do now because the hole in my chest will slowly heal. It won't ever completely heal mind you, but it will restore itself to some extent. At times, I feel as if the pain will kill me, but after a while it subsides and I will remember how to breathe and live.

Sometimes I find myself happy, smiling and laughing at a joke a friend told me, or from one of the stand-up comedies that I like to watch, and I will feel guilty that I'm feeling happy when Sam isn't here to share the feeling. That is, until I remember that _he _broke up with _me. _Not the other way around, but I still feel horrible that I'm happy when I should be sad because he's not here with me anymore.

Oh the heart is such a fickle thing. Or at least _my _heart is. Woe be to me.

I know that even if I do find love in another man, it won't be the same kind of love that I had shared with Sam. You may find love in many different people, but it will never be the same as the first time you love somebody. I will always feel some kind of love for Sam, but someday it will be overshadowed by the love that I will feel for some other man. Sam will always be my first love; he will always be my only pure and undiluted love, but someday I will feel something almost as pure and unadulterated for someone else. Almost, because it can never be the same as your first love, but nevertheless it will be love all the same.

**So, how was it? Please tell! The little review fairy demands it! XD**


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